The plan.
Have you ever felt like you need to hide or escape? I think I can safely say at one point every mother has felt this.
In a conversation recently I'd casually said that I had never been away from my family in 5 years - that also happens to be how old Ruby is. Jordan and I have had a few nights or days here and there but the closest thing I had done to something alone was a trip with kids in tow to my parents a few years ago, or the 1400km round trip to Katherine for groceries.
I'd never actually just gone off for a girls weekend.
So I considered this to be pretty poor on my behalf. The perfect example of how much mums just don't consider their needs.
My plan to rectify this raised a few eyebrows.
I wanted to go camping alone, and not just down the road it was a 918km trip down to the Snowy Mountains the idea was forged as I received an invitation to a Motherland Fundraiser in Bibbenluke. I'd be in the area and so it wouldn't be far to find a campground close by.
My prerequisites were water, fairly isolated and I wanted to be able to have a fire. I came upon Island Bend Campground on the Snowy River. It was only about 30kms out of Jindabyne and only a small part was dirt, the track down to the river was the roughest part but I was determined I was camping as close to the water as possible, I didn't want to be in the main campground with other campers close by.
I tucked myself into a corner, right on the banks someone else had previously constructed a decent fireplace and without further ado I set up camp excited for steak cooked over an open fire and the river lulling me to sleep.
What I didn't count on was a severe wind warning being in place with gusts of up to 90kms per hour, a Possum stealing my Broccoli and my inability to sleep not because of Dingoes howling but because of the wind howling through the huge trees right above me and my car.
My campsite was beautiful, I just couldn't handle the thought of a tree wrecking my car however!
I blearily rubbed my eyes, stoked the fire and cooked up the best bacon and eggs i've ever eaten washed down with a black tea from my quart pot. I judged the wind and decided to pack up camp. I had no real plan only that I wanted to perhaps head North and hope to out run the wind.
No Plan.
I found it equal parts stressful yet exciting to get back in the car with only a vague idea of where I was going to end up.
With no one else in the car I could please myself. As someone who hasn't done this for so long it's actually a challenge to work out what it is you actually want to do!
I decided to head towards Kiandra Plains and Yarrangobilly thermal pool. I was bush camping so no showers or luxuries available, a swim in a thermal pool even after one night appealed to me.
I enjoyed winding through country I hadn't seen since I was a little girl and some never before.
I passed a fence hung with dead foxes and cats and couldn't help but stop to take a photo, it's a practice you don't see so much anymore and it was an impressive line up.
As I began to wind back into the mountains the weather played with me. Sun shining one minute, then rain forcing me to turn my wipers on. I wasn't surprised or un prepared i'd packed thermals and shorts, a tarp and a -12 sleeping bag. The mountains have a will of their own regardless of the seasons.
The rigours of the night before had me feeling zapped, I normally don't function without a coffee and the black tea wasn't cutting it.
I still didn't have much of a plan, vaguely I had decided to take a swim at the pool and I'd found an old hut I thought would be good to camp at. The 10hr drive home the following day was on my mind though and I wondered if I had better try cut my drive down by camping somewhere less isolated.
The bends in the road slowly gave way to the open Kiandra Plains, I fantasized the Brumbies I have loved since a little girl would be waiting somewhere not too far for me to see them. Sure enough up ahead just off the road was a mob of them. I was beside myself with excitement, I jumped out of the car boots not laced up, I didn't grab my jacket and I left the car running.
A tear slipped down my cheek as my chest swelled with happiness that my intuition to leave the wind had given me the brumbies. I've watched The Man From Snowy River at least 500 times since I was a little girl you must understand the childish magic they hold for me, even though the practical side knows they are considered a pest.
After realising they would be there for some time I laced up my boots and returned to the car for a quilted denim jacket and locked the car.
I sat for some time with this mob. I watched one mare lead her foal off when she felt people were too close, youngsters played until a stallion came in to settle them down and I watched a young colt graze a safe distance from the herd.
I was starting to shiver from the cold and was worried Jordan might be wondering where I was up to so I decided to continue on.
I travelled maybe 5kms down the road only to see another smaller mob about 1km off the highway. I couldn't help myself so I parked, grabbed the keys and quietly moved through the plain, dodging the small cold streams all around heading towards them.
I sat more peacefully this time. Enjoying their presence and the scenes around me. The cold wind chilling my legs in my shorts, but my feet warm in my thermal boots from Canada (what an outfit choice) I felt humbled. Here I was in the middle of a plain with some horses, no phone reception hundreds of people could drive by me with no notion I was here except for my car parked on the side of the road.
As I eventually walked back to the car a small sadness settled in me not knowing when I'd get the opportunity to come back again, but I was so thankful I'd had this trip at all.
I had used up alot of time and so sped towards the thermal pool, I was a bit put off by the steep windy drive in, then more so by the bloody walk downhill to the thermal pool that by my account was not exactly warm. I think I would hold the record for the quickest swim, I marched back up the hill into my car and after consulting with a ranger decided to leave Cooinbil Hut camping off my list and head for a campground down the mountain 'Jounama Creek'. It put me a bit closer to home for the following day and I was assured it was a lovely spot.
It was only a couple of kms from a small town Talbingo, and about 40kms from Tumut. I drove in and I immediately felt I should have stuck to my guns about Cooinbil Hut. It was an over used campground, evidence of people was present and there were cars (not 4wds) camped in the front part of the campground I followed the road back as far as it would go only about 2kms and found a spot right on the river once again. Weeds like Pattersons Curse and Blackberry along with old bottlecaps and even toilet paper made me feel disappointed but it was still a beautiful river so I set up camp, had a cold but refreshing wash in the flowing water and cooked lamb cutlets on the fire.
About an hour before sunset a car pulled in (right as I was having a wash in the river), it had no camp gear visible and it parked at the dead end part of the road out of my vision.
I ate my dinner and went about my business but the sun had set and night was coming, the car hadn't set up camp, no one had made themself known and I was completely alone. I did what every girl does and I called my parents and husband.
I truly believe no harm would have come to me, they were probably lovers..not that I could see the car moving when I snuck up to see if I could see life.
If my daughter did this in the future i'd want her to be cautious so swiftly I packed up camp, mum booked me a cabin in Tumut and for the next 40kms I dodged roos in the dimming light. I tried not to view this last night as a failure but rather a lesson in trusting myself. Next time I would camp where my gut told me and note to self having even one bar of phone reception when your camping alone is relieving.
The cabin was the cleanest place i'd ever stayed and was absolute luxury to me, I melted into the bed and slept like a log.
Reflection.
I headed home opting to take the slightly longer route through country towns rather than tackle the highway past Sydney again. I was tired and ready to cuddle my family.
As I drove I thought about the things I had enjoyed whilst being alone, none of it included fancy places or meals, certainly not being dressed up and none of it cost me anything.
I liked the quiet of the bush, I laughed at the possum who ate my broccoli, I smiled as Dingoes howled on nightfall. I respected the weather and in parts of my drive it was utter silence. I didn't take a book or have enough reception to hide in social media and the doom scrolling I just sat with myself or rather did alot of walking and driving silently. I sat with wallabies as they grazed quietly, I noticed the sunlight and wind playing in the trees.
Life really is more enjoyable when you appreciate the simple things, when you notice nature and when you be present in the here and now.
Go and be outside, however that looks, don't put headphones in and ignore your surroundings, take your family outside and look around you. The world has so much beauty if only we look and happiness is not something you can chase you just have to be in it.
Grace
xx
